You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
