do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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