i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
