Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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