capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
