david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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