i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
