What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
