At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
