i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
