he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
