Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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