Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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