oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
