I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
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