im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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