apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
