I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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