the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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