I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
