I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
