we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
