Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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