Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
