Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
