You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Are we still banned from the library?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
