I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
