My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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