I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
