I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
