I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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