This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
