i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
