We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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