I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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