I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
