you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
