I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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