so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
