OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
