you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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