matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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