Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
