That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
