Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
