I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
