dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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