Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
