Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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