My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
